


a second star (look, you are reborn)

by friendly_ficus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers up to episode 104, i have so many Feelings about the god arc, i love vex so dang much, this takes place during the pelor stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 05:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11479767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendly_ficus/pseuds/friendly_ficus
Summary: This light is the sun rising over the world, glinting off swords and shields and conviction as great armies march to fight. This is a light that says "stand and declare yourself, if you are worthy".Or: Vex does not want something that she has not earned. (Give her a challenge, and let her overcome.)





	a second star (look, you are reborn)

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't joking about the spoilers this is basically my interpretation of about 40 minutes of episode 104 that I was loving absolutely every second of.

  The castle is so bright- is gold and platinum and art within art within art- that they must squint to look around. Vex’s eyes are burning, stinging with tears. This is not the warmth of Sarenrae, which comforted and swaddled and healed. It is not the glow of home hearths and campfires, not for meditation candles and lanterns left in windows. This light is the sun rising over the world, glinting off swords and shields and conviction as great armies march to fight. This is a light that says _stand and declare yourself, if you are worthy._

 (But couldn’t it be both? Is comfort so impossible to find in light, Vex’ahlia of Vox Machina? Is fire so separate from the Sun? Warmth and hope and brightness and burning and everything you are thrown into sharp relief, down to the flaws in the darkest tracks of yourself- to stand in the light is to be seen. Is that a harmful thing? Do you want this god to look at you?)

 And there, between her fingers and squinting eyes she sees a throne- gold and brass and silver and ruby- and there is a moment where Vex thinks of Pike lying so still on the battlefield, only to rise once more, wreathed in flames. Pike, who is unafraid and unburnt and always standing back up, always ready to see what is broken and mend it.

 (Pike Trickfoot wears his colors, but she is not his champion. Someone else still could be. Vex’ahlia, who among your family would you set in the bright gaze of this god? It is not an evil thing, to be seen for who you are. It is not always a good thing. Even now, with the faint golden gleam and the word _forgive_ , Fenthras carries the memory of standing in the sight of something Other and feeling broken. Are you still broken? Do you want this god to see you?)

 On the throne, there is a god. Pelor is brighter than anything Vex has ever seen- it hurts to look at his face. He is shining, _burning, gold will never gleam so beautifully after this._ In the days that follow, her world will seem almost too dim. Pelor is brighter than the light reflecting off of coin, off of jewels, off of mirrors. He regards them, she thinks he is looking at them, it is hard to tell with her eyes but she _feels_ it. He speaks the name of her family.

 (The members of Vox Machina are heroes, that is what any child will tell you. They saved the world. The members of Vox Machina are interesting, say the denizens of the Feywild. They brought change, new growth, the reclaiming of a forest that had been wronged. The members of Vox Machina are legends, allies, friends, family, terrible and broken and great. What does that make you, Vex’ahlia? Do you want this god to know?)

 Pelor asks their purpose, in his low voice. Vex does not speak. He loathes the flaw the gods have left, seems unhappy with the path that has been made. This is a mountain that should have no trail, no maps, no way to climb. He thanks them for coming. But she cannot leave this place without asking, “It was you? That I was speaking to, in Whitestone. I’ve no idea.”

 (Lying among the roots of the Sun Tree, in the deep darkness that only comes from earth, yes. It was him then, Vex’ahlia. What do you want that to mean? Do you want this god to tell you?)

 It is Vex, who names the Eye, the stain of darkness that has entered this place of light. It is Vex who tells Pelor what they are carrying. And he tells them he could destroy it, right now. That the existence of this thing is a threat. Then he tells them to _choose_.

 (Vox Machina argues, Vox Machina holds opposing views. Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III names you, Vex’ahlia, as the voice of Whitestone in this matter. He leaves the choice to you alone. Here is a threat, how will you deal with it? This god is looking at you, Vex’ahlia, he is _seeing_ . You cannot give this choice to him, you cannot give this choice to anyone. It is on your shoulders, sure as the coming of dawn. _Then I say, destroy it._ He does, Vex’ahlia. Are you surprised that he listened? Do you want this god to hear you?)

 The light wavers and then burns on, bright as it has been since the beginning. Pelor seems almost angry, when they ask for his blessing. “There is not one faithful among you.” Vex thinks, though, that there could be. Keyleth offers herself and for a moment, Vex wavers.

 (Do you think that you are greedy, Vex’ahlia? Do you believe in this god, in the light that surrounds you and _sees_? Do you want this god to believe in you?)

 Again, Pelor asks. Vex turns and “Keyleth,” _sister and friend and leader and I am so proud of you, darling, but_ “let me.” Unfurling within her is a new feeling, something she has never felt before.

 (It is _faith_ that grows within you, Vex’ahlia, and even the Sun Tree in beloved Whitestone was a sapling once. But even new faith must be tested, challenged. Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III named you Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt because it was a title that you had to prove for yourself. Would you feel worthy if there was no challenge in this? Do you want to earn the favor of this god?)

  Pelor calls for her to kneel, if she is to be a vessel. She sinks to the floor before him and he asks her, almost gentle, “You would accept my trial, Brave Soul?” She can hear him flickering, she can hear the _breath of a god, the breath of_ this _god_. He sets the time for his challenge and tells you to ascend.

 (You are brave, Vex’ahlia, that can be seen within you. Are you worried the flames will find you lacking? Do you want this god to find you worthy?)

 Scanlan makes Vex a dragon, and she _flies_ . Ascends in the skin of a beast she loves and hates, a creature that made her who she is today, whose scales she wears as normal armor, even if they are a different color. Vex loves flying, loves the freedom that comes with it, the exhilaration of the air rushing around her. Scanlan has known that for a very long time. Once, she had come to him with a broom and hope and a little desperation. Once, Scanlan showed her how to make it work. Now Vex extends her wings, _her wings, Scanlan has given her_ _wings_ _for this,_ and rises. Pelor’s servants try to stop her, because this should not be an easy challenge, but within red scales Vex is laughing. Nothing can stop her in the air.

 (It had to throw a tree at you, Vex’ahlia, to bring you down during the Grey Hunt. A different challenge given by the same god. Do you even imagine falling now? Do you want this god to catch you? Faith must be _proven,_ blessings must be _earned_ . Here, light is just something that _is._ Have you mistaken it for kindness? Do you want this god to be kind?)

 Vex dives into the flames without hesitation, and there is light and nothing else. Was she strong? Was she unworthy? Vex does not fear falling, not truly. She has flown and fallen and gone back into the sky. What Vex fears above all- the thing that creeps into her ears at night- is failure.

 (Vex’ahlia, are you unworthy? Would you want a god that accepts unworthy followers? _No_.)

 Pelor turns to Vox Machina, and asks the question. “What does she mean to you?” He needs the answer, needs to hear the choices in the words. Vex has already chosen once with the Eye, and again in the fire. It is time to hear what the other ones have seen.

 Keyleth calls Vex power, faithless Keyleth professes faith in Vex. Scanlan, trickster and liar, gives an honest answer. He calls Vex greedy and thief and good, the most perfect member of Vox Machina. Grog calls Vex faithful, under the guise of different words. Loyal and faithful, she believes in him and always, always cheers his name. Pike calls her family, holds Vex in high enough esteem to threaten Pelor inside his own palace. Pike sees Vex as someone worth challenging the Sun for, and that is no small thing. Percival calls her Heart and Judgement and most importantly, Future. She is the dawn that ends his terrible nights, she is a choice that he will never regret. Vax calls her hope. “When I am gone, she will make the world right.”

 (This god has looked at you, Vex’ahlia, he has seen you. You are within the heart of his power and fire and light. He has watched you, he has spoken to you, he has given you the chance to prove yourself. You did not go looking for a safe harbor, for a lantern left in the window. You do not want a blessing that you have not earned. You would not choose a god that accepts unworthy followers. So here you are, Brave Soul, reborn. Look upon his face and see this god smile.)

 Pelor says it like fact, like it is as plain to see as the light around them, like it is the dawn- “There is hope.” _She_ is hope, enough for the entire world. A dawn, a future.

 And there, unfolding from a dragon, from oblivion, from a star, Vex stands.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I really love Vex a lot and it was such a good episode for both her and Pike, who I also love.


End file.
